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Ho, Ho, Holy Crap…

Y’know something: It’s not beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Getting back into San Antonio after making a London-Hong Kong run allowed me some time to sleep back into Central time, but this weather here is killing me. I suppose I could consider it a blessing that it’s not cold, bitter and snowy, but there’s just something about a daytime high of 60 degrees that schtoops my ability to get festive.

When she hits those high notes, I lose all bowel control.

Thank God for XM radio: You can confidently tune in without hearing Mariah Carey’s version of ‘All I Want For Christmas’ audibly assaulting your senses every hour on the hour. I think that her particular rendition of that song could be used to mentally breakdown our sworn enemies, with the cou de gras coming in the forced watching of Glitter.

*shudders* That’s just too much. Even for me. Worse than a laxative.

I will say that it’s nice to finally see mall Santas who are age-appropriate and have a full, real beard. It’s those extra touches that make the experience magical, while redeeming the parents’ psyche for shelling out $20 to have their kid’s picture taken with a total stranger. I’ve always wondered if malls do background checks on their selected Mr & Mrs Claus…

All-in-all, it breaks down to a time of year where finding that perfect gift is not only the Holy Grail of tasks, but one that should be taken with the seriousness of a colonoscopy.

You’re smiling now… Just wait till next Christmas.

Low and behold, the massive amounts of email I received from last week’s fitness tips was incredible! If I was currently wearing a loose tank-top and running shorts cut up to my balls, I’d feel like Richard Simmons.

Pictured above are those testes-in-question

Most of the letters talked about eating healthy and how tough it is not only during the holidays, but when you lead a hectic, on-the-run lifestyle. It was also cool to get emails from readers who have seen the results from their own workout plans and wanted to share success stories. CONGRATS! It’s hard as hell at times to be disciplined, but keeping that nose to the grindstone WILL SEE RESULTS.

For me, eating healthy isn’t something I always follow, but I always make up for it with cardio (either in the form of lap swimming, outside running or machine). Doing laps in a pool is a great way to gain a healthy heart, all while being low-impact and easiest on the body. Genetically, I’m predisposed to crappy lower abs, so I watch what I eat in terms of sugar content and concentrate on avoiding massive salt intake. I’ve completely toned up thanks to a variety of lower ab exercises (leg lifts, hanging leg raises, etc), cardio 3x a week and a better intake of protein in 5-6 small meals a day. Working on your core also can develop those v-shaped lines that run down the sides of your obliques (aka ‘The Money Maker’ lines). While most guys have these lines genetically, they can be manually cut-up with hard work.

Yum.

As for what I eat, it’s usually either a lean cut of red meat, salmon, skinless chicken breast or tuna. Any green veggie, brown rice or cottage cheese make good sides. You daily goal is to match pound-for-protein-gram to keep building muscle and maintain what you’ve already built up. It may not always happen, especially without a daily shake supplement (Isopure), but with time you should be able to get pretty close. In all honesty, plan on getting used to trucking it to the bathroom pretty often in the beginning: It takes awhile for your body to get used to processing all of that new protein and will often purge out what it thinks is excess. Also remember that the body CANNOT absorb more than 32 grams of protein at one sitting. Anything more will simply go to waste.

Look for more workout talk in the coming weeks and, as always, feel free to email with your own tips, suggestions, supplement reviews and questions.

Online pal and dragstress to the stars, Willam Belli can be seen in this week’s issue of InTouch Magazine giving Desperate Housewife Nicollete Sheridan a run for her money. Belli’s resume of guest starring roles on some of TV’s hottest shows (and films) has garnered him acclaim and working rights with the likes of Diane Keaton. Congrats Willam! You looked fantastic (in a bloody, just-got-buried-alive sort of way) in last night’s episode of Nip/Tuck. While I was hoping you’d turn out to be The Carver, I can settle for the uber-Tupac way you manhandled that gun.

Check out more of Willam and his very entertaining blog here. Enjoy!

Can you believe this is what Dennis Rodman’s schlong looks like? With all of his off-the-wall outfits and makeup, you’d think it’d be a might more dazzling. I was hoping for a small parade and sparklers coming out of his pants when he flashed the camera, but alas…

It’s not even pierced!

How rude! PAGE SIX stole one of my scoops, called it their own and didn’t even email to say they were gossip bitch-smacking me. I found this out while browsing on Gossiplist.com’s Blind Items tonight. Just remember kids… This one was mine first:

e=”font-size:85%;”>WHICH spin-politico with close ties to the White House is currently boffing boy butt on not one, but both coasts? Seems he doesn’t enjoy meeting for meat anywhere near his home state, so he’s sticking to LA and Florida for now.

Starting the first week of January, I’ll begin hosting live chat and real-time webcam through my Yahoo Group. As always, it’ll be totally free and a good way to keep things interactive. I’ll be posting more detailed info in my group regarding the session soon, so keep an eye out if you’re a member or sign-up today (free) if you’re not.

Personally, i prefer to walk around in a tight pair of briefs…

Over the next week, I’ll be compiling info to write a piece on the business future of gay bathhouses. Interesting, eh? Not your everyday book-report, that’s for sure. I was recently approached by a firm who is re-designing the look & feel of a major national men’s bath chain and they wanted some input. While I didn’t have the chance to experience the true height of the bath scene in the ‘70s, I have had some pretty hot experiences while roaming through various places. While I’ve got my own ideas, I’d love to hear about particular experiences (both good and bad), how baths need to change and what you’d like to see most in a design aspect. I want some real-world opinions out there. Email me if you’ve got something to say.

From the baths to lube, let me once again say how amazed I am with the Gun Oil brand of lube. I’m especially keen on the Stroke 29 formula, which is perfect when a little needs to go a long, long way. I can’t quite explain it, but once it warms up, it actually continues to get slicker on your shaft. Mind-blowing orgasms. I’m sold. Where do I sign?

The current Whackoff of the Week site is for those out there who prefer their men a little more beefy. Big thanks to Jerry for the site suggestion. While I don’t always prefer them this big, I definitely wouldn’t throw any of them out of bed. It’s guys like this that give me the fantasy of being thrown onto a bed, face first, and pinned down for a good ride. I can just imagine feeling their massive thighs slap against my… Yeow, I need some water.

Get ready to beat the meat! Listening to ‘Eye of the Tiger’ is strictly optional…

Click here for the site-in-question.

To round out this week’s edition of 15 Minutes, here is the beloved Eye Candy. While I couldn’t find a true shirtless hottie in a Santa hat, I did round up this well-to-do collection of yuletide studs. Chestnuts roasting never sounded so good…