I’m hitting the bottle again… The bleach bottle.

Isn’t it strange how one can find solace in doing something they’ve done dozens of times before? I ask this to myself every time I’m sitting on a plane and heading to Las Vegas, wondering if the allure of Sin City will ever get old for me. In a city where the only thing constant is massive change, I’m thinking that day won’t come too soon.

Finding the perfect excuse in seeing mi amiga Kathy Griffin perform at Mandalay Bay, as well as a well-timed comp offer at Encore, I decided to brave the 107 degree weather and take a mental health weekend in Nevada. Sure, it was Fourth of July weekend, but how bad could it really be I asked myself. Besides, Vegas is hurting, people are ‘stay’cationing at home and there’s a new hybrid drag-magic show that just opened at The Harmon Theater. With entertainment offerings like this, I thought why not, I’ve always wanted to see a drag queen cut in half only to be put back together with some duct tape and eyelash glue.

… Now that’s entertainment

Encore sent a car. Nice touch. Vegas’s airport is actually turning into something you can navigate without a stroke thanks to massive renovation at baggage claim. Lots of new entertainment in town: Beyonce’s doing a series of shows at Wynn, Bill Maher’s at The Orleans, Bette is finishing up her first year at Caesars (and I hear that Celine is coming back soon… Midler’s not selling well) and Santana is semi-permanent at The Hard Rock. Lion King is packing them in at Mandalay, replacing the long-running musical Mamma Mia! That’s not to mention Donny & Marie at The Flamingo, who, in all seriousness, put on the best show since Gladys Knight had that same showroom some years ago. Lots up at Tix4Tonight. For the first time ever, I saw every major Cirque show on the boards at 50% off. Nice.

Chriss Angel’s ‘Believe’ show is in the crapper. Friends of mine with the show say it’s only a matter of time before they pay him out of his contract ($15 million) and bring in a REAL magician. What they’ve got now is a megalomaniac who’s a walking billboard for Ed Hardy clothing and lazily-applied mascara. Curb appeal for the show is zero, as it’s been called ‘too Cirque for Angel fans’ and ‘too Angel for Cirque fans.’ Angel’s ego is so bruised from the scathing reviews that Cirque has been having to quietly paper the audience to fill seats, keeping their star performer to think that someone still finds him relevant. Personally, I think they’d do better with the show if they handed out rohypnol at the front door. At least then you could more easily forget the last few hours of what you saw and perhaps even enjoy the experience.

Kathy’s show at Mandalay was excellent. Full house. 80% gay (at least). She’s always a bit seedier for her late show and the audience was eating it up. A little too much focus on every single reality show on Bravo TV, but I figure she’s contractually obligated to plug the network as much as she can. Some genuine laughs, but in her mounting popularity, she’s losing the thing that made her a standout stand-up to begin with: Griffin needs to be careful not to catch the same cold that Margaret Cho did and take herself too seriously. Cho’s career dive-bombed due to her own obsession with trying (unsuccessfully) to mix comedy and her extremely liberal political views. What started out as a witty, unique comedienne, became a very angry, militant activist in short time. That’s why Cho is relegated to a sinking Lifetime TV series and Griffin is a double-Emmy winner.

D-list my ass

Don’t get me wrong: Kathy was funny. It’s just that everyone now knows her formula and getting her audience to jaw-drop is a much tougher thing. When she had her Wednesday night gossip show on Sunset in Los Angeles, it felt like you were part of a small, but in-the-know crowd who showed up to watch. Now, with her reality show going wide, there’s little surprise left in her act, knowing full well that she’ll talk about the same things over and over again: Oprah, Gayle King, Star Jones, Barbara Walters, Housewives of (fill in the blank), Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.

I was actually shocked she didn’t rip into Michael Jackson that night, but she made it clear from the beginning that after talking with Wayne Brady, she wasn’t going there. I don’t think controversial comics like Lenny Bruce or George Carlin would have given a shit, but Griffin blinked and ended up playing it totally safe. I was a little disappointed.

I bumped quietly into a couple of escorts/porn stars while in Vegas and it’s always fascinating for me to see someone up close versus just seeing the always-airbrushed, Vaseline studio photos.

I’m $300 an hour with a multi-hour discount…

One escort, well-reviewed, has a great worked out body, looks fantastic in and out of clothing, but has the most extreme face I’ve ever seen. I appreciate good cheekbones as much as the next guy, but these were just freaky looking, as if they were implants that were much larger than they should have been. He sorta resembles the love-child that Joan Rivers was too coked-out in the ’80s to know about. On top of that, he was treating the service people around him like shit and barking orders in rather broken English. There’s just something inherently funny about someone half-yelling things in German-tinged English: I felt like a trapped passenger on a hijacked Lufthansa flight.

I also passed by Falcon porn guy Benjamin Bradley, not initially recognizing him for his good looks, but the ridiculous tan he was sporting. Now, I’m not one to usually judge people by their penchant for inviting skin cancer into their life, but if this wasn’t a spray-on tan, I’m totally unsure of what to make of his motivations… He was nearly Oompa Loompa orange. The kind of long term damage that this amount of UV sun exposure does to skin is irreversible and for someone in a looks-based business, this is what I would call making unthoughtful marketing choices. He’s already aging quickly around the eyes and has the skin quality of, well, someone who lives in Las Vegas and can’t stay out of a tanning bed, the sun or both.

Just Say No…

I also had the extreme naked pleasure of bumping into this hot escort in the spa at Wynn, where he was lounging with another very astute looking young gent. After practically demanding an exclusive erotic pic from the hot tub for 15mm, he sends me this from his phone with an ‘LOL’ subject line. Damned tease. You can click on the pic below to find out who’s modeling this newest pair of AussieBum’s finest.

My main lesson learned from this last trip was to stay away from the city during a holiday weekend, now knowing full well that no matter how much Vegas is hurting for visitors, they all seem to show up when they’ve got Monday off work. More sad than that is the fact that my unblemished love affair with Wynn and Encore hotels are now over.

*cue violins*

He had me at ‘hell, that’s expensive!’

It had to happen eventually: Steve Wynn has treated me like such a lady each and every visit, but this trip, no matter how fresh the flowers, how full the ice buckets, no matter how many times the door was held and pool cabana attended to, the hotel was just packed to the gills, making it nearly impossible to enjoy what makes the two resorts enjoyable in the first place. He’s opened the doors to Hotwire, Priceline and Expedia, inviting in a contingent of folks who don’t openly appreciate the surroundings and seem to find it acceptable to wear tank tops and flip flops everywhere they go. Steve Wynn went against his self-imposed rule of keeping up appearances by not overly discounting his rooms and it will be interesting to see what comes of it. When people want cheap rooms, loose slots and yard-long drinks, they go to the Luxor or Mandalay Bay. When you’re wanting something more, even perhaps wanting to appreciate the small luxury details in a 5-star setting, there’s Wynn/Encore, The Four Seasons, SkyLofts and The Mansion. With a bevvy of new luxury hotels opening with the creation of MGM’s City Center (including a Mandarin Oriental), Wynn’s got to figure out quickly where he wants to sit in that pack. Times might be tough for Vegas, but they aren’t THAT tough.

I’m cranking out another posting of EYE CANDY now. Getting backed up and realizing that I’ve got nearly 300 images on file and ready to roll. Enjoy! Future updates are already in the works… Thanks, as always, for keeping up with what’s cooking in my life and always feel free to email letting me know your thoughts on this and future editions. I’m also actively looking for chatroom software to hold a monthly (or more) real-time chat session, so if anyone can recommend a good prog, I’d be most appreciative. For the time being, enjoy the SHOUTBOX on the left menu for a minor, but acceptable amount of interactivity.

*wink*

BN

The only downside to this arrangement has been the need to fly through DFW on a steady basis: An airport with terribly high traffic and air traffic controlers who clam up at the mere sight of rain. Bad combo that makes for some very long email sessions in the Admirals Club.

My New Dog Status: I think I’ve gotten the only dog in the world with IBS (yes, that’s irritable bowel syndrome for those who haven’t seen the million or so commercials for it on Lifetime Television). If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was doing it to stay svelte for his summertime walks in the park. He is, after all, a beautiful canine. He and Nicole Ritchie share the same hair stylist.

If you’re on Yahoo360, why not add Marlowe as your friend? Click here.

Haley finally got voted off American Idol and it seems that fan-favorite Mindy Doo also got the boot this past week. Doesn’t look like Blake stands a chance against the steel lungs of Jordin Sparks. I’m guessing we see Blake in gay porn in less than a year. Just a prediction (based on some very reliable word-of-mouth).

Hyatt Place, Hyatt’s new W-like concept hotel, is a piece of crap. I had a night to myself, so I decided to see what this whole ‘tech’ feel would be like for a Hyatt and luckily, there’s one that just opened in San Antonio.

Well, the plasma didn’t get the advertised 20 HD channels, the wireless connection was down, the lobby was still under construction (as were all of the front facilities) and the bedding could only be described as something straight out of Buchenwald.

I’ve seen hostels in Europe that offer better thread-count sheets than this place. I’m serious: It was terrible and I ended up leaving before the night was over, thus vanquishing my fantasy of ever being a tried and true road warrior who’s company only puts him up in 2-3 star properties. I wouldn’t make it an entire week…

I ended up getting a free weekend pass from Hyatt, good at any of their properties worldwide for the trouble. Anyone want it? I don’t think i’ll be using it anytime soon.

‘Pulse’ on HD-DVD is fantastically frightening. If you’ve got a surround-system hooked up, it’s what I would consider a reference-quality DVD and uses the rear speakers to their full extent. Over the weekend, I broke down and also ordered a Blu-Ray player from Dell.com, so now I feel confident that no matter who the format war winner might be, I’ll be alright. Hopefully in the next few weeks, I’ll have a full report on the Samsung BP-12000, one of the very few second-generation Blu-Ray players on the market right now.

Website O’ the Moment: VeryFunnyAds. Sent to me by an always-eagle-eyed amigo, it looks like this website is a perfect waste of both time and your employers salary.

ATKOL forums (one of the oldest and largest gay message centers on the web) has re-opened their sex-for-hire board, adding to the already overflowing selection of escort message centers out there. ATKOL’s is one of the oldest, but without much discussion so far, only time will tell if this granddaddy can make it back to the top of the heap.

BIG CONGRATS to the always-sexy Jason Carter for his very successful ownership and production of Miss Gay Highland Park U S of A recently in Dallas. With 15 Minutes being a proud sponsor, I was unable to attend, but thanks to the always-delightful Brandon Baker, a full write-up can be found HERE. Look for 15 Minutes to also sponsor the upcoming Mister Gay Highland Park U S of A and you can bet there will be pics-a-plenty.

Blackberry 8800 who? Fuggetaboudit… I’m getting my tech groove on with the new Blackberry Curve in 7 days and counting down. A full-QWERTY keyboard AND a 2.5 megapixel camera? Be still my beating heart.

It’s official: Virgin America is up and running! Say goodbye to cramped design, unflattering lighting, worn leather seating and the endless loop of ‘King of Queens’ on those horribly small LCD screens overhead. This is a whole new way to fly (and rumor had it that they’re partnering up with Continental for mileage earning). I’m sitting here at this very moment holding a picture of Richard Branson and listening to Berlin’s ‘Take My Breath Away.’ Ah, bliss.

Hate knowing that all of the best restaurant reservations are tougher to get than Kathleen Turner away from a bottle of Bombay? Fear no more: PrimeTime Tables. I’ve used this table-scalper service in the past with outstanding results. Try getting into New York’s Del Posto on a same-day request (and a weekend no less). Not gonna happen. PrimeTime negotiated the deal for me and I was sitting pretty an hour later with my confirmed 7pm reservation. Good stuff.

Katie Holmes Update: Yes, she’s still tied up in the basement at night while Cruise throws random pieces of meat for her to gnaw on…

I’m addicted to the idea of…. TWITTER. An addictive web application that asks users to continually answer the question ‘What are you doing?’ via mobile phone txt message, IM and the world wide web. A fast and easy way to keep up with someone without meandering through a long, long, long blog posting. *ahem*

WTF are you thinking Delta? Do you really think that a good in-flight entertainment system will make people forget you’re flying airplanes that are mostly held together with Gorilla Glue and Phyllis Diller’s old wigs?

Remember a>when ‘Seventeen’ used to have covergirls who were actually somewhere near seventeen? I do.

Let’s jump right into the thick of things with overdue trip-reports that nearly slipped through the cracks. I was in Rio for a February trip to Carnaval, but instead of going into bang-by-bang (quite literally) cover story, let me just share with you the pics from the parade. A fantastic experience and we were practically able to touch the floats as they went by.

None of this trip would have been possible without the connections and good-advice of the guys at GayTravelBrasil.com. There couldn’t have been a more informed, friendly and knowledgeable staff of people about the ins and outs of gay life in Rio. If there was a party to attend, they knew exactly where it was and how to secure the very best spot. From arranging transportation to your hotel to procuring impossible tickets, Carlo and his crew have the inside track to make your South America trip a memorable one.

Just click on the links below for the Carnaval/Rio pics…

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I spent a long weekend in London not too long ago, taking in Equs and History Boys on the West End (one great, one not-so-great) and getting a chance to eat at The Woosley. Stereotype aside, London has one of the most exciting dining scenes around at the moment, with a massive choice in culture and flavors. Sure, the exchange rate is the pits, but it’s tough to rationalize afford ability when you’re eating some truly amazing steak tartare.

The Gilbert & George show at the Tate Modern was fantastic. Their work reminds me of the cultural grandstanding of a young Keith Haring. A pretty large compilation of their work was on display and it was always nice to see a great diversity of ages enjoying it.

I’m headed to Las Vegas (shocked you are, I’m sure) next week just after the holiday weekend for some downtime. I’ve booked a room at the Wynn, a day at their spa and plan on holing up for most of the time in-room, with only an occasional trip to the gym or yoga class. This should give me sufficient time to catch up on the upcoming Presidential race and important straining matters like who has a more expensive haircut: Hillary or John Edwards. I’d also like to do a ‘who wears more make-up’ comparison as well.

I’m going to eat eggs and corned beef hash at the Peppermill.

I plan on laughing openly at Tony Danza in The Producers.

My friend Vanessa has graduated to emcee in Zumanity, so I’ll try to catch her one night. Alan, the ‘little person,’ will ask me out to Gypsy that night.

I may take an hour nap on the monorail.

I will walk out of Diesel at The Fashion Show Mall with a smile on my face.

I’ve seen the town enough to know that doing the usual tourist thing (smoking, drinking, gambling, all too much) leads to needing a vacation from your vacation. On this trip, I’ll be quite happy to just normalize while not having to worry about making my bed everyday.

Self-snap in London

So, I updated my Google Gallery with new pics and will be uploading some additional Carnaval video, as well as some shots from London. Look for an upcoming trip report on St. Croix (one of the most beautiful and unspoiled spots on the USVI’s) too. I had the chance to water-land in a small plane on the island and drive from one end to the other. Amazingly beautiful. It reminded me a lot of New Zealand in that it’s very green, has beautiful water and everything had a very un-touched look about it.

If you’re a blogger or simply a MySpace user, i’ve found a pretty decent site for free add-ons of the interactive variety. RockYou is a great spot on the web to pick up easy-to-add widgets that make your page more shiny than Perez Hilton’s forehead.

You can also count on an Eye Candy post-up before I head to Las Vegas. I’ve got some great yet-to-be-used stuff in the archives, so keep an eye out for the usual grouping of head-turning hotties.

BN

‘If you can read this, you’re not the President…’