February 27th, 2013

 

Hollywood’s election season is finally over and oddly, they’re some of the few popular votes left in America that I can still get behind.  With the POTUS elections seeming to begin earlier each year and with more money being uselessly thrown at people who don’t make up their mind until they’re inside of the booth, it’s clear to me that Oscar campaigning is more interesting, less irritating and frankly, a whole lot easier to look at.  In an odd way, Washington is no different than Los Angeles: After all, politicians are really just actors…  Only much, much uglier.

In catching up on the Oscar ceremony a bit late, it was clear that this year was meant to feature more live performance and less on the awards themselves.  Quick observations- Nice staging this year, good lighting, slick use of projection and video walls, odd usage of Phantom-like candles rising out of the floor.  It was nice seeing Dame Shirley Bassey show up and thoroughly school the young’uns on how a live performance is done…  At 75 years old. Adele’s confidence wasn’t there and her performance lacked due to it.  I fear that something was taken away from her voice when she underwent vocal chord surgery awhile back, as every live performance I’ve heard from her since seems incredibly bland.  There’s no fire anymore.  She’s not singing full out, or doesn’t sound like it at least.  Singers might say she’s ‘marking’ it.  Hope she fixes that.  Seeing Adele live years ago in London was still one of the most exciting live concerts I’ve been to.

Unfortunately, Boniva didn’t help win Sally another Oscar

Catherine Zeta-Jones still looks dashing in a jet-black bob, sounded fantastic and kept up step-for-step with the younger dancers backing her up.  That’s how you sell a song.  Something tells me that Renee Zellweger opted out of a live duet not only for fear of Jones showing her up, but also because her face no longer registers emotion.  Did you also wonder what the fuck she’s pumping into her face when she was giving out that award?  It’s not botox sweetie, it’s paralox. She’s become a stranger in her own face.

No Renee, we no longer have a ‘Best Use of a Hypodermic Needle’ category

Rip up my gay card here and now, but would someone please tell Streisand to retire for good before she takes a steaming vocal crap all over whatever legacy she built years back?  A horrendous performance, both vocally and by the flatiron she used to have her hair done that night.  Hamlish deserved better.

People… People who need… Stylists

Les Meh: Started as a steamrolling musical, proved a popular movie-musical and now having to watch the film cast warble through it proved to me how incredibly weak the music was to begin with.  A show like Chicago can survive B-list singing (here’s looking directly at you Madame Latifah) because the lyrics are just that smart.  Les Miz on the other hand sounds even more banal and schmaltzy when it’s being bleated by Anne Hathaway and domestically abused by Russell Crowe.  Honestly, it’s a musical based around a cop with stalker tendencies and perhaps the most harshly-punished misdemeanor in the history of man.

… And couldn’t they get Beyonce on that stage to teach Jennifer Hudson how someone can easily stand still and sell the shit out of a song?  Sure, Hudson sang loudly, but unfortunately left out nuance, breath control and showed the audience at home just how much reverb they were putting on her mic when she would pull it quickly away mid-note.  Bad form lady.  She certainly didn’t deserve a standing ovation for that- Hudson’s performance on Jenny Craig commercials showed more versatility than her Oscar performance.

Seth McFarlane: #FAIL.  I know it’s not proper form to use a Twitter hashtag to collectively review someone’s performance, but he was just craptastical in Gary Bussey proportions.  I would have found a cardboard cut-out of him more authentic.  Can we please hire a host (or hosts) in the future who are genuinely witty, quick on their feet and aren’t afraid of hosting the show?

 

 

After a long month of travel (Chicago, Sydney, Las Vegas, Dallas and New Orleans), I’m ready to take the next week to myself before going into what I now lovingly refer to as March Madness.  Definition: With spring comes people’s want to come out of hibernation and travel.  I went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans for the first time since being graduated from university and it was a total slap on the ass (literally and figuratively).  Hoards of people standing around, waiting for plastic beads just isn’t amusing to me like it was in my early ‘20s.  The gay discos were dead as a doornail, but thankfully the bartenders remained as Big Easy as ever, pouring drinks that would liquify even Amy Winehouse’s liver.  After drinking and eating my way through the city for a few days, I was done and knew it would likely be another 10 years before heading back for the event.  I’ve grown into far too many Howard Hughesian tendencies to enjoy that amount of grime and general body odor.

 

As it stands now, I’m heading back to Amangiri for a week, down to the seclusion of Key West, doing a meet & greet with Shania Twain in Vegas and putting my body clock way out of whack visiting Singapore (while hoping to have enough time to visit the Universal Studios there).  In all of this, I’ve got to keep up with my workouts and attempt some assemblance of healthy eating.  But do not cry for me dear readers, as this is an odd life I’ve gotten quite used to over time.  While I know it won’t last forever, I do know that as long as I’m in this industry, I will continue a tradition of treating those I see like gold.  I’ll also never stop speaking out against those who practice hidden unsafe sex, aren’t transparent about their own health status and anyone who would use bullying tactic to push their own rancid agenda…  Sort of like an Anderson Cooper 360 if Anderson Cooper spoke only of hookers, blow and middle-aged, married Republicans.

See these gigantic logos below?  Click on each of them to keep up with my crazy life.  Go ahead.  I’ll wait:

 

 

Thank you dear readers for keeping up with my unique life and always for your near-constant interactions on my Q&A, Twitter feed and private email.  I’m always floored at how many people are so attentive to what I’m putting out there…  Really appreciate the feedback, unless it’s negative and then you can keep that shit to yourself.

 

Do remember to smile every now and then,

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS: And because I think everyone needs to see what true, born-that-way talent is like, watch this Oscar 2013 performance

Posted in Update!