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June 2006

‘What? You’re taking my blacklight-reactive Elvis print off the wall?’

Memorial Day weekend has passed and that means that IML (International Mister Leather) is a distant memory for those who spent the weekend in Chicago for the festivities. A big congrats to Bo Ladashevska from Montreal for capturing the crown in what appeared to be a Gloria Vanderbilt leather jockstrap. I happened to be in town (but not for IML) and got caught up in the gay-revelry spanning from the epicenter of the action (as usual, the Palmer House Hilton), all the way past Andersonville. Final competition this year was held at the restored Chicago Theatre, which made for quite an interesting State Street marquee of ‘Welcome INTERNATIONAL MR LEATHER CONTESTANTS!’ A definite change from the more-subtle Old Vic Theatre of past competitions.

I found great joy watching the droves of families walking out of ‘Wicked’ the musical’s matinee (at the Ford, across the street) and trying to explain to their kids what the above-marquee meant.

During my stay in Chitown, I had a chance to see both ‘Spamalot’ and ‘Putnam County Spelling Bee.’ Both musicals and both shows with relative open runs in the city. I had high expectations for Monty Python’s Spamalot and it was somewhat of a buzzkill. Yes, it was funny. It had jaw-dropping laughs, a great set and good performances. There will still something missing. It was the storyline: It jumped too much and it didn’t do well with smooth transitions. The whole show felt riddled with speed bumps. At times, it also seemed to try too hard to please. It’s got the same kind of humor as The Producers, but not quite the charm and wit of something penned by Mel Brooks. Spam is by no means a flop, but it’s not quite up to the hype.

Spelling Bee was incredible. This is a sit-down production (ie, permanent) at the new Drury Lane Watertower Theatre. This started off as a small show off-Broadway and, while remaining a small show, now has a very large following. It’s original, it’s funny, it’s smart and the performances are spot-on. I was a little surprised at how deep the musical went, as most of the first portion of the show is laugh-out-loud funny. It delves into the mind of a seriously over-driven child and gives some pretty nasty first-hand accounts of when parents begin to over-parent.

Tut was kind of hot in that mascara-wearing-Ziggy-Stardust sort of way…

The museum scene in Chicago is top-notch with the just-opened King Tut exhibit at the Field Museum taking center stage. Tickets are sold out for a month right now, but twilight viewings are available for $50 a person and give you a much less crowded way to see this once-in-a-lifetime traveling show. The last time it toured was back in 1977. They’ve added about 100 new artifacts from his tomb, as well as redesigned the whole look and feel of the exhibit. I was amazed at the clarity in color on some of the pieces, but a little disappointed that they didn’t put Tut’s own sarcophagus on display. It’s sort of a cop-out, as all of the PR material for the show has Tut’s golden visage on it, so you’d expect to see it in-person if you went. Nope. Egypt didn’t give clearance to let that particular piece out on tour, so we’re stuck with plasma screen images and inflatable effigies in the gift shop. Bugger.

Thanks to those who emailed about how it’s going with this new house! I’m pretty much settled into things and happy to say that its all coming together. Most of my old furniture doesn’t fit well into this new place, so I gave quite a bit of it away and am now in the middle of redoing that. I’m looking at DWR, Kartell, Cantoni and Copenhagen for things and have most of it taken care of. Odds and ends are next (rugs, stuff for the walls, etc). What began as something fun and interesting quickly became mundane and is burning me out. Now I know why people pay big bucks to interior designers to do all of this stuff. I can barely get dressed in the morning without a seeing eye-dog or mismatching something. What makes anyone think I can figure out a whole house!?!

I ate like food was on clearance at Raos last week in NYC. Hell, I still feel full. If you’re looking for no-shit, real Italian food, this is THE spot. If you can snag a table, I can’t recommend this place enough. It’s got real moxy. Case-in-point: It’s been in more gangster films than Joe Pesci and serves a mean bowl of peas & prosciuto. How much more street credit do you need more than that? I’m getting hungry just thinking about it. Cool thing about this is that they’re opening another location in Vegas, so i can get my Raos fix on nearly both coasts. WHOOHOO!

The DaVinci Code movie only had one redeeming factor: Ian McKellen. He chewed the scenery like a British goat and gave it a singular spark worth sitting through. I spent most of the film wondering what kind of roadkill they stapled to Tom Hanks’s head and why the hell his hair never moved an inch, even when he was dodging the albino. Either he’s wearing a wig or spent countless hours in a Ron Popeil laboratory. Speaking of the albino: Paul Bettany is still hot even when he looks evil and is whipping himself in what appears to be a Motel 6. Look for at least a couple of (artistically) naked shots of him through the film. He appears to have kept some of that athletic muscle from when he did ‘Wimbledon’ with Kirstin Dunst. Yeowza! Me likely.

If you promise to tell a friend, you can get this amazing hairdo for just $19.95. No COD’s.

X-Men III. Great computer effects with a craptastic plot-line. Who the hell allowed Halle Berry to speak that insufferable and overwrought dialogue? Does she not have an Oscar somewhere on her mantle? Well, at least they gave her a new wig for this one. Now she looks more like she’s wearing a skunk on her head, which has got to please the Greenpeacers.

Berry, accepting the award for most ‘Most Improved Weave in a Franchise Film or Feature’

I want to see more of Hugh Jackman in various states of undress, as his acting ability is on par with the drama portion of the Special Olympics.


want to see them cast William Shatner in some villainous role so that we can see a slapfight between him and Patrick Stewart. I bet those two ladies would really go at it.

Nobody does sit-and-stare-quietly quite like Famke Janssen. That was her through most of the film. Can you imagine: ‘Famke, we’re going to pay you millions of dollars to do your best impression of Helen Keller. No, this isn’t a Miracle Worker remake.’

I wonder if she’s a method actress?

Ben Foster showed off a nice shirtless body, but his ‘Angel’ character wasn’t central to much of the story. Seems to me that Ratner put him into the mix just to get some on-set kicks and to have yet another muscular male walking around. Oh dear!

Ben Foster. Not too shabby…

WTF is up with Out Magazine putting Paris Hilton on the cover this month? I’m confused as to when she became anything but a pimp for cooperate merchandising to the gay community? Has Michael Musto lost his mind? At the very least he could have not lobbed softball questions at her and asked truly beneficial questions like ‘How big, exactly, is Rick Solomon’s cock?’

I mean, come on, inquiring minds are still wondering.

Site of the Moment: Undergear’s new lines of underwear are HOT! Not to mention that their parent company International Male is now actually putting out clothing you can wear outside of a Shakespeare Thespian Festival. I’m also digging their choice in masculine male models: Finally, I can once again jack off to their catalogs! Life is good.

SA Spurs got knocked out of the Playoffs. I’m still angry. Mark Cuban is such a little turd. We should have dumped him in the Riverwalk while we had the chance…

Madonna opened up her new show in LA recently. The spectacle featured her singing while ‘crucified’ from a mirrored cross thus upstaging her past offenses with a cone-shaped bra and fellatiating a Coke bottle. Whether any of this carries a real message or not isn’t my concern, but isn’t doing this sort of thing at 47 a bit old for an enfant terrible?

Site of the Moment: TopTenVids. If you’re wanting to see what amounts to some pretty funny videos from all over the web, check it out. A grand waste of time, but then again like I’ve always said: Don’t wait until later, procrastinate now!

What the hell is Janet Jackson doing on the cover of US Magazine nearly showing full tit and minge this past week? ‘Janet Jackson: How I got thin again…’ Vomiting perhaps? With that picture, there goes the last remaining shred of my hetrosexuality.

Only two tidbits of interest this week, but they’re really good….

WHAT FALCON LIFETIME STAR, in Chicago for the Gay Grabbys and IML, was seen & heard at the Lowes Theater (off Michigan Avenue) purging in the boys bathroom in hopes of staying super lean? Y’know, cleaning up a little post-pee on the seat is one thing, but seeing that he had Thai for lunch is quite another. Gross.

KAAVYA VISWANATHAN, the Harvard sophomore who scored a 3-book deal and eventually was pegged for plagiarism, isn’t as guilty as the media would like to think. It seems that the book was 100% ghostwritten to begin with and never touched by Viswanathan, making her more guilty-by-association than anything. She simply had to go along for the ride without giving away the fact that she’s got less writing skill than Ray Charles.

WHACKOFF OF THE WEEK: Yes, it’s been quite some time since i’ve done a feature on a site i’ve found, so let’s all use that mouse and click HERE. Their collection is still mercifully FREE and better than ever. No spam, viruses or spyware.

Recently, I’ve been getting mounds of questions submitted for the Q&A; section of 15 Minutes, so I thought I’d get through one and satisfy my probation requirements for the month. You’ve got questions, i’ve got a snappy one-liner…

Q: I have used vegetables on myself— anally— numerous times. I assume that as long as I am washing them very well beforehand, I am not at risk for any problems. True?

A: I don’t think that’s what the FDA had in mind with its ‘Five a Day’ campaign. That said, washing veggies can reduce the risk of irritation or bacterial infection. However, veggies can break and the last thing you need is a zucchini half-lodged inside your tush. Maybe you could remove it on your own, but maybe it would require an ER visit and, really, who needs that? Definitely something that George Clooney didn’t have to deal with on television. Instead, slip a condom over the veggie, slather water, silicone or oil-based lube on it and hold onto the end of the condom during penetration. You’ll give a whole new meaning to the term ‘Salad Shooter.’

As always, your questions are most appreciated and can be submitted anytime by clicking here.

My new MySpace page is getting some interesting new friends attached to it, while a new & improved Groups site is in the works. If you want to check out the MySpace page (and join up as a friend if ya like), click HERE.


‘Always have small bills on the airplane for cocktails.’ —- Liza Minelli