December 7th, 2005


In my version of hell, this is reality…

While reading this week’s edition of Variety, I’m now beginning to notice all of the ‘For Your Consideration’ ads that various studios run in hopes of scoring some Oscar golden goodness. While it’s a bit early in the race, things already seem to be heating up with the intro of Lee’s Brokeback Mountain and the upcoming Memoirs of a Geisha.

Who deserves to win this year’s awards? Only three more months until we find out…

This past week was spent in the always delightful Memphis, where the temperature was seriously cold enough to let heathens walk on water. Not that my Chicago cold roots have totally escaped me, but getting spoiled by the daily 60 degree temps in South Texas isn’t such a tough thing. I had a chance to see the Grizzlies spank the Orlando Magic (while enjoying a $6 diet coke and nearly taking out a loan for the SunChips) at the strikingly designed FedEx Forum. Nice place. The Rolling Stones were playing there the next night, which might have explained the IV-bags, filled with what appeared to be Makers Mark, hanging just above center court.

The Memphis Symphony was a real surprise. Amazing facility (Cannon Center) and a truly great group of musicians. Most of the program was Christmas music, which left my attention span to fend for itself and imagine the whole horns section using parts of me like a trumpet. I’ll forgo any obvious punchlines involving the word ‘blow’ here…

The highlight of the trip… and I’m being dead serious here… was finally getting to visit Graceland and get in-touch with my Irish white trash roots.

Just kidding! … I think.


Me and Lisa Marie (pictured). As you can see, she’s changed a bit over the years

I was surprised at the small scope of the whole place, but enjoyed getting to see how Presley clan lived. It was actually a pretty impressive complex, including seeing his two private planes, horse stable, car collection, etc. I was hoping to see the exact toilet bowl where Elvis took his final bow, but I was told it was ‘in the shop’ for polishing.


The crapper in question

Rumor has it that it’s serving as Grand Marshall of several Christmas parades throughout Tennessee.


This is where good taste comes to die


Only the Shadow knows…


After a few fried peanut-butter and bananna sandwiches, everything begins to blur



I caught a showing of Oscar hopeful Walk The Line. While I like Johnny Cash’s music, I didn’t find his life through the eyes of Joaquin Phoenix all that interesting. A spunky Reese Witherspoon did some justice to June Carter, but as a whole the film was uninteresting and didn’t have that x-factor that made it mesmerizing. If the Academy Award goes to Phoenix instead of someone like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, I’ll shit. I really will.

On a totally fluff-related topic, i’ve officially switched lubes and Eros is no longer my brand of choice. Yes, it’s still good stuff, but it’s way too expensive in the longrun. My new pick is not only an economical choice, but they have a HOT ad campaign and their formula is actually better than Eros…

Gun Oil is one of the first lubes i’ve used that actually gets better the longer you use it. It’s condom-safe and very little goes a long, long way. I started using it to jack off with not too long ago and implemented it into more hardcore scenes. It’s come (ahem) out a winner everytime. Hell, it’s so good that Steamworks in Chicago will soon be using it as their free handout lube. Hot sex and hot lube. Life is good.


For those who care to keep up with my travels, I’m heading to Crested Butte today, Las Vegas on Friday, New York City on Monday and finishing up in Boston mid-week. It’s an insane upcoming week, but it’s all a day’s work and something I’ve gotten quite used to. I find that extended amounts of time in San Antonio reap massive thumb-twiddling. To quote a good friend of mine: ‘When I don’t have a plane ticket in my hand, I start to shake a little.’ ~grin~

I’ve gotten some good email response (and questions) regarding my workout routines, supplementation and diet i’ve followed over the past year or so. In the future on 15 Minutes i’ll be including some of the exercises, foods, supplements and cardio that have made the most difference to me in hopes of steering others in the right direction. While i don’t claim to be a personal trainer of ANY sort, i will pass the buck and invite others to email me with their own success stories.

From the wacky world of PAGE SIX

Increasingly tired of footing the bill for her baby daddy’s chav-luxe lifestyle, Britney Spears is attempting to repossess the $200k Ferrari she bought for husband Kevin Federline. We assume she’ll still pay for his current room and board at the Beverly Hills Hotel, however, which kinda takes away from the effect of his punishment.

Predictably, the source of the rumors of Jessica Simpson’s infidelity may have come from her assistant, CaCee. Never trust someone who can’t spell her own name right.

Seems a certain hunky country singer made a gay porn film early in his career. There are so many possibilities here, it boggles the mind, and male country singers these days give us a lot more to drool over than, say, Willie Nelson, but
the story goes that the singer’s record company paid the porn studio hush-money to pull the film from distribution.

This week’s WHACK website is actually a personal photographer’s page, but his choice in models is perfection. Click here for a look at these beautiful boys. I’m not into this much muscle usually, but one look at these bodies and I’ve lost all bladder control. Now where did i put my Depends undergarments….

Last, but certainly not lesbian, is this week’s Eye Candy. A most mouth-watering assortment here, but if you’re into the unedited version, head over to my YAHOO GROUP for weekly updates on a more xxx-treme basis…

~bn

‘If life is but a stage, i want better lighting’ — me

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