November 22nd, 2005



An interesting flood of emails from last week’s post hit my inbox (thanks to everyone who wrote in, btw), but the are definitely those out there who decidedly less prefer my column-ish writing style and want more of the gossip rag feel that I’ve come to include on 15 Minutes in the past.

Here’s the scoop: I plan on doing both. While it’s always fun to pass along some interesting words-to-the-wise, it’s also fulfilling to just sit and write about life. Nothing in-particular, but just the ability to write what you know on a more freeform basis. The gossip sections of this site have always been… well… somewhat interesting. I’ve written quite a bit of this like a travelogue. I’ve kept some reoccurring weekly themes too. All-in-all, I’m happy with the readership, quality and direction this thing is going and really appreciate the feedback. Thanks very much.

This past week was spent in-between suburban Chicago and New York City for the Alanis Morisette concert at Roseland. Chicago was chilly as usual and with only about 12 hours on the ground, I didn’t do much but catch up with some family and eat at one of my favorite old haunts called ‘Q’s,’ which makes the BEST marinara sauce in the world. It’s got just the right amount of zip and the lack of meat in it really keeps the meal light. YUM.

NYC was great because I got to head out to Brooklyn.

Yes, I’m saying that with a straight face…


You talkin’ to me?

It’s rare that I ever get to head outside of Manhattan when I’m in town, so getting to see a whole other burb was good times. I snagged some awesome (awesome!) pizza while there too. It was a cool feeling sitting in this little hole-in-the-wall pizza joint being the only non-Italian guy in the room. Watching them function in their ‘natural habitat’ was interesting, as San Antonio is still not yet a city with real neighborhoods. Very mashed up we are. Being in Brooklyn reminded me of growing up in Chicago and heading to the various ethnic neighborhoods to see friends. It’s its own little world in most ways. Very cut off from the rest of reality.

I sort of felt like a nature show host in that pizza place.

*in best ‘Crocodile Hunter’ voice*

‘As you can see here, the species has yet to let go of the beehive hairdo reminiscent of the 1960s. They forage for the pizza while waiting for instructions from their group leader… Victoria Gotti.’


I fondly reminisced about her ‘You Can’t Do That On Television’ days…

Alanis Morisette packed Roseland, but more importantly, she played one helluva show. She’s back to a full band after a little experimenting with her unplugged phase, which (to me) makes the show a bit more fun. I sat near her current boyfriend Ryan Reynolds and finally got to have a good look at him in the flesh. Damn, he’s thin. He’s still got an adorable face, but hell if he wouldn’t blow over from a strong gust of wind.


Still, i wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers…

I look forward to spending more time in New York this coming year. It’s a city that’s growing on me and I’m finally starting to realize why native NY’ers are so rabidly loyal to their city.


Hypnotic, isn’t it?

Hell, I’d be that loyal too if I could get a fresh bagel at a corner store in San Antonio. I’d practically sign away my life if they’d smear it with liverwurst. *aaaaargh… liverwurst*

While surfing the web, I came across this site and immediately found myself entrenched in the delights of the Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. Check it out for yourself. It’s hilarious.

Yet again, I’m enthralled in reading Brandon Baker’s blog. It’s a mish-mash of travel, gossip and his adventures in being. Would someone put a bell on this kid because he’s never in the same spot for more than a hour it seems. Brandon, in addition to the stuffing you’ll be getting this holiday season, we also wish you a vacation and a tempurpedic mattress.

From Craigslist, a found dollop of fabulosity to fawn about:

I posted an ad the other night and then emailed with a very cool but discreet guy. we arranged to hookup at my place. My jaw almost hit the floor when I opened the door to see a very well-known major celebrity who had showed up to get off with me. We had a great time. I was just wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience…v. cool. Please don’t email me to ask who it was..I completely respect his discretion and would not reveal his identity.

Interesting. Very interesting. Looks like Craigslist is good for more than a cheap piece of ass and moderately-priced local real estate.

This week’s whackoff of the week website goes to a special find from an email. It’s been given the 15 Minutes seal of approval with no pop-ups or virus issues, so whack away to this very free and very HOT site. Enjoy!

I also realized that I hadn’t do a 15’s Fifteen in awhile, so let’s get out the old list and add another few to the pot. Suggestions for future editions are always welcome and a big thanks to Tom in Wisconsin for sending in a few really good ones for this issue:

1) Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com!

There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

2) Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull.

People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of
Wendy’s chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

3) Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged.

I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

4) Gay men, leave your eyebrows alone.

Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we’re done.

5) Stop fucking with old people.

Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

6) I’m not the cashier!

By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing “Enter,” verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing “Enter” again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don’t have time for that. I’ve just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!

7) Competitive eating isn’t a sport. It’s one of the seven deadly sins.

ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What’s next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They’re already doing that. It’s called “The Howard Stern Show.”

8) If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens.

Let’s remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.

9) When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to know in months. “27 Months.” “He’s two,” will do just fine.

He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t care in the first place.

… and last, but certainly not lesbian, this week’s Eye Candy is hot off the press and waiting to be viewed or possibly drooled over. Your pick. Just make sure to wipe off the keyboard when you’re done. You also might want to invest in some Lysol wipes…

One more thing before i close this one out: Here’s wishing everyone reading a most happy & healthy Thanksgiving.

… and don’t forget to save me a dark-meat sandwich


~bn
‘A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.’ – Senator Everett Dirkson

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